Testimony

The Testimony of Douglas Wade

I grew up about an hour from here in a “normal” household, but in my Junior High, I started to develop an opinion about religion. I saw a lot of hypocrisy from Christians. They all seemed to me to be party killers. I thought happiness was for those who sought after it. I wanted to be happy, but I started to dislike myself from the frustration of not being able to accomplish real goals, such as changing me into someone that people liked.

As I progressed in to High School, I looked inside myself to make the big change. The harder I looked inside, the more dissatisfied I was with myself. I did not know it at the time, but it was the weight of sin. I was determined to find the key to happiness, as long as I did not have to become “weird” in the process. About this time, ironically, my closest friends were Christians. They did not drink alcohol or smoke. They were happy and were on everyone’s list for being invited to parties. Since, I was their friend, I got to come along. I could see that having fun and being joyful was not in the external, like changing my personality, wit, or looks, as much as it was I needed someone to free my soul from sin.

I went pursuing and ventured into humanism. I believed more strongly that you make your own destiny. This was a failing proposition, but I felt if I tried harder, I would exceed. About this time, I ventured into new age thinking and the philosophy of Yin and Yang. I believed everything was a balance, good verses evil; hot verses cold; light verses dark, and so on. My world view was based on this dualism.

As I moved into being an Adult,  my roommate’s mother died, and as a result, my roommate Ted committed his life to Christ. He was so happy, and he had lots of friends. I did not like the fact he was so happy, so I challenged him at every point. One Christmas, he gave me a Bible. I argued against God from a perspective of ignorance. My roommate always said you cannot disbelieve something that you have not investigated. He told me to read the Book.

Months later, I spent my days attending the local community college, El Camino, since I worked the second shift at Rockwell. I was very frustrated with my illiteracy. I believed that my future was controlled by me. But reality hit hard. I realized if I could not spell simple words and even write a sentence, how could I grasp the world by its tail? I took English classes to change that but that was the most frustrating thing I ever did. While at college, I was given a second Bible by the folks from Campus Crusade.

Teri, soon to be my wife, gave me the book, “Mere Christianity”, by C.S. Lewis. The book gave arguments for the existence of the Christian God, and it mentioned how the god’s of Jehovah Witnesses and Mormonism could not be real. The book answered my questions about God in a way that I have never read or heard about before. I never understood why Jesus had to come to earth, die, and be resurrected, and that He would do that all for me was even more astonishing. Everything was starting to make sense. In his book, Lewis attacked dualism which was the philosophy I believed in. He put up a good argument against it. I thought God is good, the devil is evil. That belief seemed balanced. But Lewis pointed out the imbalance, and my belief in dualism was shattered. By now, I was open to going to church with Teri. She was attending an evening Bible study, and I would have gone but I was still working the night shift. She asked people in her group to pray for me.

One night, I was fighting a high fever. I remember not sleeping well, but I do remember something happened to me that I will never forget. Someone appeared to me, and I cried out to Christ to save me. In the morning, I was different. I knew something had changed inside me, but I did not know what. I realize now that what I had done was let Christ into my heart, and I asked Him to save me from my sin. I told Teri and she was excited. Of course, I didn’t broadcast the news to others. I didn’t want to seem weird.

Shortly after that, Teri and I began attending a church in Venice Beach . The pastor there was the most joyful guy I ever met. I wanted to know more about this guy and his God. I secretly started to read the book of Genesis and was troubled by some things. I asked Teri some questions; got some answers and she mentioned reading the book of John instead. I read that Jesus was God (John 1:1-10). I wanted it real simple, like a mathematical expression, JESUS = GOD. The Bible did not say that in a manner I could clearly see, so I studied my Bible and researched the claims of Jesus to be God. The knowledge I was receiving became so overwhelming and exciting. I went from someone who was miserable and broken to someone who had joy and hope. Teri (recommitted her life) and I were baptized together in the ocean by our pastor in 1986.

Well, my walk with Christ was alive! I was still characterized by starting things but not finishing them. Was this Christianity thing going to turn into a fad, and would I move onto something new? Well, I surprised myself because my relationship with Christ was growing and has lasted approximately 25 years. As I mature, my walk with Him has been a process of giving up my life (that is not easy) so He can conform me the person He created me to be. On this road, Christ is still renewing me. Christ has been giving me the ability to write and bless others. It hasn’t been easy, and I have my struggles, but He has allowed me to write several articles for multiple publications.

With Christ, so evident in my life, I could never go back and disbelieve. Have you wanted to find joy and have you ever investigated the claims of Jesus?